Week Thirteen: 01/08-01/12

Week Thirteen: 01/08-01/12

Psalm 63:1 “O God, You are my God; early will I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for you in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water.”


This week we spent three days in the Kampot province. While we were here, we got to come alongside a couple that started the church with their baby son. At the church they have English and computer classes, youth groups on Friday nights, a children’s daycare, church services, and many other things. I’m not sure how they manage to pull all of that off with very minimal help, but I do know its all because of their dependency and trust in the Lord. Being here has made me realize that’s all I ever want in life: to do the impossible all by the Lord’s strength with complete dependency and desperation for Him. I’m sure there were seasons they went through where they didn’t know where to turn, except to God. That same desperation is beginning to form in me as I ponder the possibilities of the future after IGNITE. It seems daunting to think about because all of the desires on my heart seem distant and impossible. I have come to a place where I have nothing except Jesus; I’m at the end of myself. I know that apart from Jesus I am nothing, except a soul that is hungry and thirsty. The word desperate continuously ran through my mind this week. I’m desperate to be desperate for Jesus. In almost every season of my Christian walk, Jesus was never really 100% the center. I always had distractions and other things to put my time and energy into. My time here has confirmed that it’s actually possible to have Jesus at the center of it all. In my mind, I was still living in the world and trying to fit God into the remaining cracks. Work, school, family and friends always took the priority in my life. It’s actually hard to do life here when your days aren’t started in the Word and with Jesus. I’m quickly realizing that my heart is prone to wander and get distracted by the little cares of life. I want to either be all in or not at all. I don’t want to do this life on my own. I don’t want to be comfortable in anything. I want to have full dependency on the Lord.  I want my life to reflect only what the Lord pours into me and to be a life that is obedient to the will of God. I desire to never reach a point of full satisfaction, unless that satisfaction is in the Lord.

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