Week Thirteen: 01/08-01/12
Week Thirteen: 01/08-01/12
Psalm 63:1 “O
God, You are my God; early will I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh
longs for you in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water.”
This week we spent
three days in the Kampot province. While we were here, we got to come alongside
a couple that started the church with their baby son. At the church they have
English and computer classes, youth groups on Friday nights, a children’s
daycare, church services, and many other things. I’m not sure how they manage
to pull all of that off with very minimal help, but I do know its all because
of their dependency and trust in the Lord. Being here has made me realize
that’s all I ever want in life: to do the impossible all by the Lord’s strength
with complete dependency and desperation for Him. I’m sure there were seasons
they went through where they didn’t know where to turn, except to God. That
same desperation is beginning to form in me as I ponder the possibilities of
the future after IGNITE. It seems daunting to think about because all of the
desires on my heart seem distant and impossible. I have come to a place where I
have nothing except Jesus; I’m at the end of myself. I know that apart from
Jesus I am nothing, except a soul that is hungry and thirsty. The word
desperate continuously ran through my mind this week. I’m desperate to be
desperate for Jesus. In almost every season of my Christian walk, Jesus was
never really 100% the center. I always had distractions and other things to put
my time and energy into. My time here has confirmed that it’s actually possible
to have Jesus at the center of it all. In my mind, I was still living in the
world and trying to fit God into the remaining cracks. Work, school, family and
friends always took the priority in my life. It’s actually hard to do life here
when your days aren’t started in the Word and with Jesus. I’m quickly realizing
that my heart is prone to wander and get distracted by the little cares of
life. I want to either be all in or not at all. I don’t want to do this life on
my own. I don’t want to be comfortable in anything. I want to have full
dependency on the Lord. I want my life
to reflect only what the Lord pours into me and to be a life that is obedient
to the will of God. I desire to never reach a point of full satisfaction,
unless that satisfaction is in the Lord.
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